Modern Single Momma

Nothing like going to a parenting class slightly hungover (from all the halloween sweets, not the micro-brews).

Last weekend I went to a Language of Parenting class and learned something. I learned a lot of things.  First, the class was really cool for several reasons:

One, I’m a big dork when it comes to neuroscience and the class showed us diagrams of how the male and female brain differs. I love learning about brain stuff (The Three Pound Universe by Judith Hooper has been on my all-time fave book list since I was 15).

Two, I love workshops. Self-help? Parenting advice? Spiritual tips? sign me up! And,

Three, I’ve generally avoid parenting classes but this one inspired me to not be so afraid. I guess before, I imagined being pegged as the inept, clueless single mom, judged by my miniskirt even before I walked through the door, but I realized how ridiculous those fears are: The  husband-wife duos that came to the workshop looked just as frazzled about parenthood as I did (but not nearly as stylish, just kidding).

So, get this, apparently male and female brains are pretty different (like in more than 100 ways). And even though your two year old son doesn’t have facial hair yet, his brain is already very much male. Meaning his attention span, focus and priorities are very different than yours.

Three very interesting facts and their consequences in the realm of parenting I learned from Janet Allison:

1. The male brain has less blood flow. We won’t go into my theory on why this is (blood is being redirected to the other organ that guides their decisions).  Your toddler boy having less blood flow to his brains means he needs time to “zone-out” once in awhile so he can renew, recharge and reconnect.  This also explains why men can sit on row-boats or coaches for hours.
2. Eye-contact activates the flight or fight hormone. This was a huge light-bulb moment for me.  If you want a man to listen to you, don’t ask him to look you in the eye first. With this new information I suddenly understood with crystal clarity wh a). Lucca either punches or runs when I look him in the eye and tell  him to get his shoes, and b). car trips with a significant other abosultely rock. No eye-contact, just side by side, deeper-than-the-road-is-long, awesome conversation.  Janet advises sitting side by side with your son as he plays inorder to communicate best with him.
3. Don’t be fooled by the outside of the skull. Smooth though it may be on the outside, on the inside it is very, very sharp with ridges and bony protrusions, they likes of which you hope to never see. DO NOT let your son (or your daughter for that matter) head-butt a soccer ball, play football or join WWF wrestling.

One more thing I learned I wanted to share with you:

Our boys (be they our sons, or our in a Men) need only three simple things from us: to be accepted, respected and admired. We learn how to give this to them (sitting sideways, of course) and we find our simple needs suddenly met: We are appreciated, honored and adored.

Who knew there good be so much cross-over education going on parenting class? I now feel like a more competant mother and girlfriend.  Hip to hip talks it is, I’m so over eye-to-eye.